Spikey-Whities pt. 1

Spikey-Whities or How Spike Learned to Stop Screwing Around and Love Silver Spoon

By Doctor Cobra

Part 1

It started ten years previous on a perfectly normal day at Ponyville Elementary School. Classes had progressed smoothly for the first half until recess and the students were now running loose outside the schoolhouse. Rambunctious colts chased a ball and each other through a hopscotch game the more petite fillies were playing. Others watched from the swings, giggling as more young ponies joined in the chasing game with Scootaloo vying for the lead. Not everypony was as active though – two of the quieter, less ‘popular’ (if Diamond Tiara was to be believed) colts sat off to the side, watching the high-spirited display even if their own spirits weren’t quite as high. Pipsqueak’s relationship with Sweetie Belle had recently had quite an unfortunate turn, something he and Rumble were now discussing.

“What did you DO?” asked Rumble incredulously. “I mean, I thought you and Sweetie were, y'know, tight. But now she looks ready to kill ya, Pip!”

The cockney colt studied his hooves. “I… think she...” he began awkwardly, “…caught me ‘aving a peek up her dress.” He went bright red as Rumble’s eyes widened. “But... But it was an accident! We were climbing a tree together and I just happened to, er, glance up,” Pip admitted. His luck seemingly had not changed a bit since his first date.

Rumble was still gaping at the revelation. “So, uh…” he began, starting to grin mischievously and nudging Pip, “What color were her…?”

“Hey, you guys!” they heard Featherweight suddenly call, interrupting Rumble. The spindly colt came hurrying over. “Did you hear?! Spike’s gonna breathe fire!” he lisped, gesturing excitedly toward the little hill at the edge of the playground where the trio could see their classmates all starting to gather. “He’s over there and… and he wants us all to see!” Featherweight continued.

“What? Really?” asked Pip hurriedly, eager for an excuse to stop talking about his miserable love life. “You mean ‘e’s finally learned it?”

“I dunno,” Featherweight replied. “But I know I’m gonna be the first to see it!” He proudly held up his camera for good measure.

“Not if we see it first!” said Rumble, hopping off the bench and starting to run. With a surprised look at each other, Pip and Featherweight scampered after him and joined the others on the hilltop.





Spike gulped. He couldn’t help feeling uneasy now that all the students were surrounding him in a circle that seemed three times larger than it was. He was starting to get nervous; maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all! ‘No, don’t think like that!’ he fiercely thought to himself. ‘You’re cool, Spike, and this’ll make… her… think you’re cool too!’ His mental hesitation was pushed from his mind on looking back at his audience and grinning sheepishly. There she was in her usual frilly gray blouse and pink pleated skirt, standing next her best friend as always, looking just as beautiful as Spike’s youthful mind assumed she was even if her expression was her usual one of haughty skepticism. No matter, thought the baby dragon. This spectacular demonstration would put a smile on her face.

He hoped.

Spike cringed a little at what might happen if this went wrong. What if he accidentally set the school on fire or something? Twilight would be so angry after all she did to get him into it in the first place. She had become too busy with her own studies to continue to teach Spike herself and so, despite his being an entirely different species than the rest of the student body and even significantly younger than some, Twilight had enrolled him in the elementary school six months ago. It was a lot less interesting as what his surrogate mother had been teaching him about the different types of dragons in Equestria and their histories; rather, Miss Cheerilee’s classes were, as expected, geared more toward ponies. They learned the basics Twi had long since taught him as well as basic magic and flight, which didn’t help Spike in the slightest as he hadn’t grown his wings yet nor had any magical abilities (as far as he knew) besides belching up letters to and from the princess.

But more recently, Spike’s attentiveness in class had increased, albeit not on his work. Rather, he found himself fixated on… her… day in and day out. He wasn’t entirely sure what he liked about her – she seemed snootier than Rarity (whom he’d long ago given up on after finally finding out exactly how old she was!) and her best and only friend was the biggest bully he’d ever born witness to. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe she needed somepony, some dragon, to show her the real magic of friendship that Twilight had always taught him to cherish. And on top of all that, Spike just found her so hot.

He didn’t know why he felt so many strange things about this one filly and Twilight had always seemed too embarrassed to try explaining, merely telling him she would when he was older. But Spike’s patience had worn thin. It was time to take matters into his own claws and prove that he was worthy of her love!
As such, he now stood atop the grassy knoll surrounded by a cluster of wide eyes and murmurs. Now he wasn’t sure if announcing this to the entire class was the best idea, especially given the teasing he might be forced to endure if she accepted him based on this, but he figured they’d tough it out together in the end. Or was he just being a big show-off? ‘No!’ Spike mentally kicked himself. ‘You’re doing this for her. For her!’ He puffed out his chest slightly against his will and a few of the young ponies exchanged eager glances. Spike realized he’d been about to fantasize again and came back to reality.

“Well c’mon,” said Applebloom, anxiously glancing back at the schoolhouse clock. “We ain’t got all day ‘fore the bell rings again!”

“Yeah, get on with it!” Scootaloo pressed. “Show us whatcha got, little guy!”

Rumble, hovering over the group, called down, “Go for it! Fire away, Spike!”

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and groaned. “Urrrrgh, I told you all this was a waste of time!” she spat. “Are you gonna do anything except stand there, loser?” she asked, glaring at Spike.

All of this made Spike’s nervousness return full force and he glanced from Tiara to her accomplice. The (new) girl of his dreams. She only rolled her eyes in the same manner as Tiara and said nothing.

That did it. Now was the time to prove his ability, not just to her but to the whole school! Seeing Featherweight push forward with his camera, a surge of pride flowed through Spike’s stumpy body. So what if he was a dragon? And short? When his pictured appeared on the front page of the Foal Free Press tomorrow, blasting a torrent of flame from his mouth high enough to maybe scorch the sun, they’d all see how awesome it really was having a dragon for a classmate. Especially her. The most gorgeous-est filly in the universe. Silver Spoon.

He’d held off far too long now. He was ready. “Attention, everypony!” he cried. “I, Spike T. Dragon, am about to perform the most amazing display of fire breathing ever seen by pony or dragonkind! But do not be alarmed,” he continued melodramatically, taking a cue from Twilight’s speechifying. “What you are about to see is completely safe!”

“Ugh, too much talking and not enough doing, as daddy would say,” Tiara scoffed again.

“Let’s see who’s laughing after I show Silver what a real friend is!” At least, that’s what Spike WANTED to say. Instead he stammered, “I-I’ll show you especially,” once more a little scared against his will.
“Go on, dude! Show her up!” Rumble encouraged as Tiara stuck her tongue out at him.

Spurred on, Spike struck what amounted to a heroic pose, sucked in a load of air, and paused. All eyes seemed to widen and the crowd seemed to tighten around him as he inhaled. He had them now and was not about to let them down. Silver’s face stood out from the crowd. There was a moment of total silence as Spike tilted his head back and his heart swelled in his chest, and then he emptied his lungs with all the strength he had…

…only to spit out a few emerald green cinders and one or two scraps of slightly burnt parchment. These fluttered slowly to the ground around him and a few of the sparks blew back in his face. “Ow! OUCH! Ooh ooh ow!” he exclaimed, stomping in place and trying to brush the stinging, burning particles out of his eyes. There were gasps as the whole class moved away from him as one. Spike rubbed his eyes furiously and hissed angrily. He couldn’t believe it. After all that build-up, this, his best-laid plan for convincing Silver Spoon he was worthy of her, had completely failed! In dismay, he looked down at the pitiful fragments he’d spit up and his heart dropped from where it had been in his throat a minute earlier to somewhere in the tip of his tail. What had gone wrong? Did nervousness overpowered him after all? Or was he really just a big showoff like Twi had said?

Now, chortling from all sides reminded him that he’d just epic failed in front of all his classmates. His eyes snapped up but remained unsure where to look as the noise began erupting into full blown laughter, gazes still upon him but with expressions ranging from confusion to derisive mirth. Spike felt a new kind of heat rising in his cheeks. “Oh, wow!” Tiara snorted, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Look at the big, scary dragon breathing fire! Oooh, look how high it is! Better not get too close to him. He seems so tough!” She pretended to shudder and then doubled over with cruel glee. “Please don’t hurt us, mister dragon!” she continued to joke around her laughter. “Please don’t breathe little pieces of paper at us!” At that, the biggest laugh yet burst from the group. Spike looked around, claws clamped over his mouth. Some, like Sweetie or Pip, were looking at him with genuine sympathy but most followed Tiara’s lead of deriding the little dragon’s failure.

He dared himself to look at Silver; as their eyes locked, he could have sworn he saw behind her glasses a flash of shock and pity in her violet eyes. Her expression, however, was one of unpleasant amusement, a smirk playing around her lips as Tiara cracked up next to her. All this for her and Spike couldn’t even receive her compassion.

Applebloom suddenly spoke up over the noise as best she could, turning to face her two giggling best friends. “H-Hey! Come on, ya’ll, this ain’t right! Can’t ya’ll see he’s heartbro…?!”

“Some all-powerful dragon to have been a student of one of the most powerful unicorns ever!” Tiara interrupted, drowning Applebloom out. “How about I show you how it’s really done, dragon?” Spike stared at her fearfully and backed away slightly as she asked to all, “How about I show you all something REALLY funny?”

Determined not to show how scared he was but doing a poor job of hiding it, Spike kept backing away meekly as Tiara’s coy grin widened. Suddenly, she called, “Do your thing, Snips!” to the chubby colt who stood right behind Spike. Snips chortled and quickly crouched, grabbing the sides of Spike’s maroon shorts. Before the poor dragon could do anything, Snips yanked Spike’s pants down!

Another louder gasp echoed from those who had stopped laughing at least, but said laughter shortly returned a moment later as Spike’s white and green briefs with a pattern of red, blue, and purple gems were exposed to all. His eyes widened even further and his slit pupils shrank. His most embarrassing pair of underpants were on display before the entire class. Hastily he tugged the front of his shirt down with both hands and crossed his little legs awkwardly, desperate to cover as much as possible. His head darted from side to side, mouth agape, as the laughter and sudden chill below the waist made him shiver. The colts were snickering and pointing, the fillies staring and blushing. And they were surrounding him. He had nowhere to turn.

Tiara busted up again. “Oh, nice underwear, Spikey! They really say a lot about you! And what that is…” she continued, “…is gem-eating loser!” Spike cringed, utterly mortified. He’d never, ever hear the end of this. How was he going to explain to Twilight that he didn’t want to go to school anymore?

Hastily, he bent to pull up his shorts, not caring how many were treated to an even more expansive view of his backside as he did so. At that moment, he heard a loud CLICK. He shot back up in shock, pants still at his ankles, to see Featherweight staring in horror at his camera.

The photographer’s gaze met Spike’s and it was this that finally drove Spike to speak, even if all he managed was, “F-Featherweight! Wh-wh… Why?” How could he manage words when everyone was staring at his undies?

Featherweight looked sick. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I just hit the button by acci…!”

“Ha! As if!” said Tiara, snatching the camera from Featherweight’s hooves. “Looks like tomorrow’s front page will feature the not-so-magic dragon in his pwecious tighty-whities,” she cooed mockingly. “Or should I say SPIKEY-Whities, hm?” she asked, turning to Silver. “What do you think? That a good name for the poor baby dwagon?” The grin she flashed at Spike was one of pure malice.

It took everything he had for Spike to look at Silver, blushing all over. His chances with her were dead and he knew it. Heck, his chances with any girl were likely over now that everypony in town was going to see his underwear if Tiara had her way with the newspaper. Silver only stared at him, smiling that same odd smile and glancing down at his briefs a final time before smirking at Tiara. “Yeah!” she blurted. “It is a nice name!” Spike felt like he were a stone statue crumbling to pieces in seconds as Silver spoke. “Why are you standing around getting laughed at, Spikey-Whities?” she continued. “Why don’t you fly back home?” Knowing what was coming, Spike longed for a piano to fall on his head. “Oh! That’s right, you’re just a baby with no wings!” the dragon’s beautiful crush finished, leaning on Tiara’s shoulder and sharing an evil laugh together.

If this wasn’t the worst day of Spike’s life, it was up there. He just stood there now, traumatized, even as the laughter continued, now mixed with Snips and Snails chanting, “Spikey-Whities! Spikey-Whities!”

“My daddy’s SO gonna have you arrested for flashing!” Tiara said now; her taunts were making Spike’s head throb. He just wanted to pull his pants up and fly away from this, leaving all this embarrassment behind. But Silver had been right: he didn’t have wings. “Better run home to your pony momma before they catch you, Spikey-Whities!” the spoiled filly continued.

That did it. Spike snatched his shorts up off the ground, shot his tail through the hole in the rear and held them up with both hands as he shoved his way headlong through the crowd. He tore out the other side past Pip and Rumble, who just stared after him in shock. Glimpsing them through the tears now in his eyes, Spike saw they weren’t laughing or chanting. Neither had the Cutie Mark Crusaders been. But that didn’t matter to Spike. The whole of Equestria might as well be behind him calling, “Spikey-Whities! Spikey-Whities! “Spikey-Whities!”

He didn’t care about the rest of the school day. He didn’t care about his gem briefs-clad tail ending up in the papers. He didn’t even care what Silver Spoon thought of him anymore. Well, okay, he kind of did but he quickly shoved any thoughts of her aside. In teasing him just as much as Tiara had, she’d shown her true colors. She was just another bully who hated him and enjoyed seeing him humiliated back there. ‘How could I have been so stupid?!’ Spike mentally abused as he raced back through Ponyville, attracting many odd looks. ‘Not only do I mess up in front of her but I make it worse!? Rrrr, I’m so…” He shook his head hard, desperate to clear it. It didn’t work. “STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!” he actually yelled out loud as he spotted the library.

That only made his eyes well up again as he ran for the door. All he wanted was to jump into Twilight’s forelegs and be held. Hugged. Loved. An emotion he thought he would garner from somepony else earlier today…

Not being able to get Silver out of his mind definitely made him stupid, he decided as he hurriedly banged on the treehouse door. “Tw-Twilight!” he sniffled, leaning his forehead miserably against the door, “T-Twilight, please! Help me, Twilight! Hold… Hold me.” He hiked his pants up as if terrified they would fall down again. As Twilight opened the door and stared down at him in surprise, Spike realized the implications of this final outburst.

Silver was 100% right. He WAS a baby.